If it is nice outside, why are we inside?
I don’t care how many beds, pillows or blankets you buy me, your bed and your pillow are the most comfortable, so scoot over.
There is nothing better than a cookie.
Screen doors are silly contraptions – if I can see through it, and hear through it, I should be able to walk through it.
It seems like you might have forgotten about me, so I am just going to stand under you and bark, loudly.
Dishwashers are scary and it’s OK to hide behind the toilet while they are running.
Some days it is OK to do nothing but lay on the couch.
If it hits the floor it is fair game.
If it is on the edge of the table it is fair game.
If I can get remotely close to it, it is fair game.
Grandmothers were invented to spoil grandpuppies.
…if by saying “trashcan” you mean “feast”…
Dogs sniff other dog’s butts, that’s what we do, deal with it.
Did I mention, if it is nice outside, why are we inside?
I don’t care how many times you say it – I’m going to poop in the neighbor’s yard and make you pick it up with that baggie.
I know it looks like I’m out of pee, but I am still going to stop at every mailbox on the way home.
I’m only tough when the other dog is behind a fence, a window or on a leash. When they get close I actually want you to pick me up and protect me.
I’m a cute dog – and I attract cute girls.
If you are not doing anything with those hands, why don’t you rub my face or belly?
I see that you are busy with your hands, why don’t you rub my face or belly?
If chocolate is so bad for me, why does it taste so good – and why do you keep so much of it around the house?
Why do you fold the laundry if you know that I am just going to play in it?
By the way, dirty socks are way tastier than clean ones.
It’s much more fun to get up and play at 4 am than it is to sleep through the night.
Hey, there’s somebody here! Hey, there’s somebody here! Hey, there’s somebody here! Oops…false alarm.
Is it time to eat, yet? How come your food looks better? Can I have just a bite?
I love you no matter what.
Is that a bunny? Let me out. Is that a bunny? Let me out. Is that a bunny.
So, those are the thoughts and wisdoms of a very VERY spoiled dog. Ruff life.